My first brave guest writer chose to write about the intersection of her spirituality and her sexuality in pole class, and the ways in which this meeting furthered her healing process. Given the time of year, a story about the spiritual aspects of pole seemed the perfect way to kick-off a lovely new series of Pole Stories.
For some pole dancing is about the workout. For others, it is about feeling beautiful and sexy. I go to S Factor for all of the above reasons. But the main reason I go is for what it does for my spirit. It makes me feel connected to myself and to the Divine.
When I get to class, the room is dark. I sit down on a purple mat and the world around me quiets. I close my eyes and ground into my body, letting my mind go for just a couple of hours. I feel the music drizzling into the room, onto my skin, into my ears and I allow it to take me. I hear the teacher’s voice and it guides me on a journey to connect with my heart, with the Divine. With my eyes closed I go into deep meditation. I don’t let my mind rule me; I just do what feels right. It’s completely magical.
In meditation the goal is to master your mind. In class, while I’m dancing, I attain that mastery. I don’t think to myself, “Ok, I’m going do a couple hip circles here and then I’m going to throw a spin.” I let the music enter my body and let my body take over, allowing my mind to follow. It is a conversation between God and me.
I have been taught that my spiritual self and my sexual self should be separate. That there is a time for your spiritual self and there is a time for your sexual self. And that the time for your sexual self should be in the privacy of your own bedroom, with your husband. In some ways this is true. There are certain things that need to be saved for you or your partner in the privacy of your own home. However, it is also true that we are spiritual beings and we are sexual beings. In order for us to live sanely in this world we need to tell ourselves that it is ok for the spiritual and the sexual to merge. There is a common misconception that sexuality is “bad” and “dirty.” In reality it is just a part of who we are. There are so many things that we do instinctually that would scientifically be classified as sexual behavior that we don’t even recognize.
I have done Kundalini Yoga since I was 12 and I have been a Sikh for about the same amount of time. It has healed my soul and saved my life, but S Factor has taken my soul and my sexuality to a different level. It helped me to KNOW that it is really and truly ok to be sexy. Since I was young, people have been telling me that I am “Too Sexy.” I never understood what that meant. It always made me feel like I was doing something wrong, but I never understood what, because I didn’t feel like I was “doing” anything.
I don’t tell many people outside of the pole community that I take classes at S Factor because I know they won’t understand. But, S Factor has changed my life. It has given me an outlet to heal myself and my sexuality on a whole other level – one I have never experienced before. Because of S Factor, I know that I am sexy and that it is 100% ok to be that way. It is not only ok, but it’s good for me. It isn’t about the workout (although that is a plus), it is about the deep spiritual journey that I go on in each and every class.
As a deeply spiritual person, who lives a spiritually disciplined life, I never would have thought that S Factor would give me the “enlightenment” that I needed to continue healing myself. It takes me into my heart and allows my body to express itself the way it wants to. What I have come to realize is that my spiritual self and my sexual self are one. I have been able to merge the two in a way that I never thought possible through this movement. It has given me an outlet to release and let go of things I’ve been holding onto for years. It has allowed me to discover myself on a new level and showed me that who I am is beautiful and perfect.